so I feel like my postings have been so up and down...well, life is up and down. but overall i'm happy. i guess when i write in here, deeper thoughts come to my mind. hideto said to me, "the reason I love you is no matter what happens the day before, when you wake up each day you are smiling and happy." so i am a happy person. it's just so interesting with this move, there is so much to reflect upon it's too emotional. when i moved to SF, i brought everything that belonged to me because my parents sold their big house and moved to a tiny one and told me to take what I wanted to keep. then came my move, new work, new friends, everything shipped home from Japan, my father's death, marriage, graduate school, noi, starting our business, and so much more and here i am going through everything, reliving everything at once, and on top of it, being so busy with work with major deadlines, it's just crazy! so many emotional things at once. i feel like i'm going to get to japan and just pass out! and i really wanted my sisters to come visit me this summer since i am so busy and i went to visit them last summer, but they did not come. that sucks. and i told my mom i felt guilty about not going to see them and she said, "why? they should come to see you." so that made me feel bad too. life is so interesting. these days i'm feeling that everyday is an amazing gift from god and i am so lucky to have this wonderful life and that as you get older, life becomes better, but life also has it's sadness, which i never had to deal with when younger. the older you become the more there are things you miss, like the people that pass away. it was so hard to deal with my father's death, i can't even think about my mother or my siblings, because i'm sure i will outlive everyone. i might end up in a close race with my sister cory and that would be interesting. which brings me to another interesting point about all these thoughts, i was listening to Ray of Light by Madonna, a spectacular CD about how life changes when you create a child, and she talks about her mother's death and about what her daughter she should remember after she is gone, and it made me cry a lot. i wish my father was here to see noi and madonna was singing about that and it touches me. and this makes me wonder if i should try to have another child for noi, since our family is so small, relatives included, then she will have someone to love her as family after hideto and i die, but is that really a reason to have another child? well, so much to think about right now, which is why my postings are like this!!!
well, on the super positive side, so many of my fabulous friends are coming to town! like colin, corey, my brother, and i'm arranging a ladies day/night out which is going to be exceptional. i can't wait.
and today i didn't do anything, except a million things! as usual! but i really wanted to go shopping for useless items, go to the gym, eat chocolate and one other thing that is so top secret i can't write about it-it's driving me crazy!!!!!!!!
now, i'm thinking about having a house. gali told me when she went to ohio, she was so surprised to hear about people our age upgrading to their 2nd house while us bay area people can't even afford to buy our 1st house. Wow! what is it going to be like to have our own house? I'm so excited!!!!!!!!
well onto lighter topics, noi was so cute tonight! when we were reading books for bed, instead of reading, she wanted to sing them to me. she sang 2 books. she is such an amazing child!!!!!! i am so lucky and blessed and i especially feel this after trying to have a child before her. LIFE IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still can't believe I created her. I'm so lucky.
